My drifting mind

Im currently having a break from my 4hr study on auditing theory, 3 quizzes have passed and up until this moment im praying that i somehow got an above average score thou i dont expect it. Actually im thinking of her right now, i sometimes see her in the campus, saying hi or hello, smiling for seconds and after she was gone, gone where my smile. ive trying to bring back my not texting days because i think that will make me more ok. actually it's a miracle if she will text me first because since then she doesnt text me and asking me hello how are you. i miss the past and i fear the future.. i fear that i might not make my last year in college memorable, yes im thankful to the lord that i passed my exam and unofficially im now a Certified Accounting Technician and a Registered Cost Accountant, somehow im slowly achieving my goals, i even celebrated with my friends, but the real person who'll make me happy is not with me, i tried to arranged a lunch with her but rejected many times and somehow im tired trying to think of ways just to be with her, up until now we havent had a picture together, i picture that will not change even thou the person in it does, she's my dearest love but i havent had any picture of her, oh crap i must be the worthless lover ever haha i cant even have a picture thou we knew each other for 3 yrs now, ill be the most pitiful guy if up until graduation i dont have a picture with her, i will surely be sad, really really sad, and days are rapidly passing by, two months from now it will gonna be her birthday and im in a confusion on what will i do haha i know ill be happy if i give her a gift but on the other hand ill be sad because i cant pretend that she's just my friend. i know she'll be happy on her day because there will be a lot of gifts coming from her friends and i know they have a bunch of ways to make her day memorable and i know she'll be happy even without my gift. i dont want to make myself a burden from her, she fine now, the picture is already good so i must not meddle with her anymore because i'll just distort it. im empty right now actually, my crush is not adding me to her friends in fb and also she didnt even bother to reply to my text when i was still using my sun sim, that was a great loss haha i thought she was the one because she gave me her number, she was beautiful, was kind but maybe she just dont like me haha. im rejected indirectly again haha. well what's new about it? im been like this since i was on elementary. oh crap. i remeber what i said on my last training seminar "Success is nothing if you dont have someone to hold to at the end of the day and you dont have someone to share your sorrows and happiness" im really sad..