first semester wrap up

okay lets first go backwards for the moments of the first sem and ill be starting with our quiz bee that was held at mapua makati last september, and yap i was disappointed again what the hell because majority of my answer were wrong some were will guesses and so we only placed 6th in that contest. After that the jpia general assembly took place, it was very tiresome but fun specially when we saw our fellow members performed and the most important part was that the officers danced haha, that was my first dance since a decade perhaps, it was very fun and it was a very good last general assembly, of course there's the finals which made my life miserable lol haha but it was a very big blessing from the lord that my lowest grade was 2.00 which i was very proud off and what's more important is that i am a DEAN'S LISTER yes im very proud for that i really worked hard for that and i thank the lord for that hehe. and up to now im having my most happiest sembreak ever!! it was because of my new friend but not so new because she has been my classmate way back ago but i never imagined how funny and how happy to be able to txt and chat with her although she was miles apart it really feels good to be able to see her name in my inbox, i feel very good whenever she replies to my txt, i dont know what's with that girl but she's really adorable maybe it was because of her display pic, she's really beautiful in there and of course her smile played a big factor in her pic, then after that can't really erase my smile haha its like her smile is contagious and its that it really brings a lot of good vibes to me, and i hope we could be better friends/txtmate i hope she'll have a vacation here so that maybe we could hang out and ill treat her that's for sure also im really surprised when she called me, oh men that was the first time a girl called me haha that was a real big surprise and somehow a memorable one, i really didnt expected that and her voice it was really good :) it gives more reason to admire her, she's a talented girl and i know it will be fun to be with her. also i have a good basketball this sembreak which i really really missed, i scored 5pts today, 1 steal, 2 blocks!! i told the lord before i leave, "if ill be able to score 5pts, will there be a chance that she might like me?", it rained, there's lightning, there's thunder it even flooded in the basketball court but thank god i scored 5pts so does that mean that i have a chance :) im really really happy with my life right now haha also i prepared a gift to my two very very good friend and ill give that in our enrollment hope they will like it hehe. that's all folks.. i thank the lord for this memorable sem, and i prayed that of course my last sem in college will be very very great.

4th Place

Wish i had one...means more a lot than all the medals and trophies in the world..

i woke up at 4am this morning, actually i didnt manage to have a good sleep because i woke up hour by hour maybe because im really nervous at the same time pressured after i was informed that one of my classmeyts got a perfect score in the quiz bee in tax and hailed as the champion omg, she's really amazing, im really nervous because im thinking that i cant be like her or something like that, i decided to browse my books but eventually i failed haha i just listen to my mp3 to relax a bit and decided to start my day. when i saw my fellow classmeyts who were also participants of course i somehow felt that im not ready but doubts began to feel my thoughts and eventually the contest proper started and the first to seat in and fill the aura of tremendous pressure landed on the fifth place, of course that's not bad, i know she did her best, well after her was my idol of course, the one and only queen of practical accounting 1 in our school, and she emerge victorious being the champion again in the same board subject, i said to myself, they were really amazing, i have 2 classmates who were champion in their respective forte subjects, i said to myself i also want to be a champion so that ill have something to be proud of, ill be ashamed if i didnt have any medal to bring back home, im really nervous and pressured at that time, when they said farewell to me and wishing me goodluck, i felt sad, im alone so i treated myself to lunch and after that prayed at the nearby church, i prayed the lord that he might want to give me this contest, and im practically begging him because ive always longed to be a winner someday, it was my dream. the other contestant arrived and we talk for a while both of us wants to have a good news to our fellow classmates, i took a quick nap for a while and then the time came for me to show my guts and my knowledge, and the hell the contest started and for the first easy question i got a wrong answer, that made my confidence level surge below, i was pissed off for myself until the second question came, and damn ive got the wrong answer, then problem questions followed,  i somehow regained my confidence level a bit because i answered correctly questions 3 to 7 but problems 8-10 was a very disappointing problems to me because they were easy problem questions and the result, ye i landed to be the second lowest scorer then the long problem of the average round followed, i lost hope at the questions because its 4 questions interconnected, i really guessed due to my lack of knowledge/forgot how to do it and the time was really short luckily my wild guess in question number 3 was a right one but practically that long problem was a disaster question.. i paused for a while and said to the lord please give me knowledge and please guide me to the correct answer and that i dont want to give up, and somehow i survive that round because after that all my average questions were correct. i spent the ten minute break pondering why the hell did i miss those easy questions and trying to fight and continue the battle.. the difficult round was a blast, i manage to got only 1 wrong answer until the turning point question number 10... if i got it ill be 3rd but if not ill be a loser again.. after i raised my answer and heard the correct answer.. i said thereafter... im a loser again... im really sad and disaappointed.. if i got the correct answers in the easy round i still had the chance to be the champion but im such a big loser nagkalat ako sa round na iyon.. im really pissed off that's why i left the room... my other companion garnered the 4th place also.. he is telling me it's ok, i just nod but deep inside me, im really not ok... im really close to my goal of having a medal before i graduated.. i texted someone dear to me and said its ok im still the winner for her but i just cant relieved the fact that i lost again... i really cried when i came home because i didnt brought a medal to my family specially for her, i really wanted her to be proud of me, i have nothing to own besides my dream and yet i was close to this dream but i failed again..i cried a lot that night... after the tears subside, i texted her and told her to wait for me, ill be back to get a medal for her, and when that time comes ill treat her out.. she replied that she'll wait she'll look forward to that time so i wipe my tears and said to myself I'LL DO MY VERY BEST TO BE THE CHAMPION on the NCR CUP AUDITING PROBLEM for my love one, for my friends and for my family with the guidance and blessings from the Lord. Ill promise that ill study super duper hard to bring home a single piece of medal ive been dreaming for since im no longer a laude. i want them ti be proud of me and to be able to prove to them that i can win also.

My thoughts

August 27, yes it's her birthday today, last year i can say that im one of those persons who made her very happy since ive given her a very good surprise :) ive currently finished my gift to her, its only a simple one, a novel with a bookmark and some random stuff and of course a card which is my classic moves haha. Ive put them in my made box and somehow i managed to decorate it neatly but up until now i havent given her my gift yet because she was at the province, i also havent greeted her. I know she's happy right now in her life. The title of the novel that i gave was "when God writes your love story". I chose that novel because i know God is making her love story great, maybe God is just giving her failures or heart problems in order to lead her to the right man that suits her well. I know God is in control of her life, she have found a good man this time and i'm happy with that. Im happy for her right now and i hope she'll be happy with my simple gift haha. Lately im finding myself smiling for a friend, yes indeed she is important for me as a friend, and ill do my best to help her with anything and that i want her to fulfill her dreams also, she is one of my most important girl friends and im happy that she's making me smile just for a small talk or a simple text. i have another contest next week and i hope that i'll be able to win this time. Everything is well as of now, it's just difficult because there are many things to do so im almost dead tired everyday but because of my friends, because of her and because of my faith in the Lord i manage to get on with it.

National Accounting Showdown

last week i called her in the evening it was still raining hard back then, but i stood there under the rain even thou i have an umbrella, it was still raining hard, im hungry and tired but because i want to hear her voice again, i endured it, after a while we were both laughing again haha, i said i missed her, she said she missed me, she missed how i make her laugh, it was a real happiness amidst the raging wind and rain. After all these months of being empty i felt alive again that night. it was a simple conversation yet a special one for me, i know she's ok with her new bf, she even said that he was very kind like me, somehow its an assurance and besides she's very ok right now so i have nothing against that guy as long as he is making her smile a lot. after almost 1 hr of talk i ended the conversation due to lack of load haha and my hunger was getting intense but rest assured i slept that night with a big smile on my face :)

the next day we attended a seminar about cat/cpa, of course im happy that people recognize me because i already became a cat thou it was still unofficial, but the most remarkable that happened that day was when i was told to represent the school in the national accounting showdown, and after i heard that, i was overwhelmed with fear and pressure but i accepted it, the feelings that i felt afterward was very intense, fear and pressure was overwhelming because it was my first time to be in a contest and besides it was a national contest whew and my classmate just won the championship in a contest here in ncr so i was oozing with pressure all over my body. I have only 1 week to prepare the seven board subjects holy crap haha insane is the right term to use because of that :)) i reviewed very hard, that week was the most tiring week as of my fourth yr in college, i was literally exerting my 101%effort i was really really tired. I even visited a far away church which i cant remember where is that place, i even sacrifice basket of eggs in the altar and of course i prayed that i will win the contest. when saturday came, i spent my day sleeping yes sleeping very early because i want to recover my energy. sunday, the day ive been waiting for, we arrived early and waited for almost 2 hrs, and of course im really bored but the aura there was frightening at the same time exciting because all persons in there were outstanding cpa's in their own fields and of course the contestants were all of high caliber. the contest proper took place and the first question was raised, of course im super nervous but i just prayed to the lord that he guide me so i just did my best to answer the questions, every correct answer was a success for me especially the guess ones haha. i really did my best, and i emerged as top13 among the 36participants. my first contest was great and it was all thanks to the lord. i didnt got the first place but i got the experience that i will treasure for the rest of my life :) thank you lord.

My drifting mind

Im currently having a break from my 4hr study on auditing theory, 3 quizzes have passed and up until this moment im praying that i somehow got an above average score thou i dont expect it. Actually im thinking of her right now, i sometimes see her in the campus, saying hi or hello, smiling for seconds and after she was gone, gone where my smile. ive trying to bring back my not texting days because i think that will make me more ok. actually it's a miracle if she will text me first because since then she doesnt text me and asking me hello how are you. i miss the past and i fear the future.. i fear that i might not make my last year in college memorable, yes im thankful to the lord that i passed my exam and unofficially im now a Certified Accounting Technician and a Registered Cost Accountant, somehow im slowly achieving my goals, i even celebrated with my friends, but the real person who'll make me happy is not with me, i tried to arranged a lunch with her but rejected many times and somehow im tired trying to think of ways just to be with her, up until now we havent had a picture together, i picture that will not change even thou the person in it does, she's my dearest love but i havent had any picture of her, oh crap i must be the worthless lover ever haha i cant even have a picture thou we knew each other for 3 yrs now, ill be the most pitiful guy if up until graduation i dont have a picture with her, i will surely be sad, really really sad, and days are rapidly passing by, two months from now it will gonna be her birthday and im in a confusion on what will i do haha i know ill be happy if i give her a gift but on the other hand ill be sad because i cant pretend that she's just my friend. i know she'll be happy on her day because there will be a lot of gifts coming from her friends and i know they have a bunch of ways to make her day memorable and i know she'll be happy even without my gift. i dont want to make myself a burden from her, she fine now, the picture is already good so i must not meddle with her anymore because i'll just distort it. im empty right now actually, my crush is not adding me to her friends in fb and also she didnt even bother to reply to my text when i was still using my sun sim, that was a great loss haha i thought she was the one because she gave me her number, she was beautiful, was kind but maybe she just dont like me haha. im rejected indirectly again haha. well what's new about it? im been like this since i was on elementary. oh crap. i remeber what i said on my last training seminar "Success is nothing if you dont have someone to hold to at the end of the day and you dont have someone to share your sorrows and happiness" im really sad..

I unintenionally hurt her..

last day when i was in the tabi tabi lang haha. someone with a nice and familiar voice called my name thou i cant pinpoint who she was so i looked where the voice was coming and to my surprise it was her, she tapped me but i snob her and after that she was gone in an instant. i just said to myself that it was the right thing to do. i didnt think of it after a while but when someone told me "why did you snob her?" and then i asked myself why did i do such a thing and after that i checked my screened messages because their was something bothering me and i read a message from her, saying that she was hurt because i didnt talk with her. and then i suddenly felt that it was a bad move since i hurt her but of course i didnt mean that. i felt bad after that so i asked my someone and then she said it was really a bad move, so later that night i texted her saying im sorry i know she was already asleep so the next morning i received a smiley from her, thinking that my sorry was accepted i asked her if it was an acknowledgment of my apology and she said that were not enemies so its ok. after that we have a conversation which i missed for a couple of months, she said that i made her cry, she missed me really lot and somehow i felt again some spark of love in what she said, yes indeed i missed her also, once again i smiled while i was reading books and that feeling was what ive left since i started moving on. actually right now, my head is full of thoughts about her, i dont know if ive move on or not, i dont know, somehow im angry about my barkadas who always make fun of her in a really bad way, somehow i feel like they are not just disrespecting her but it also somehow implies that they do not respect me, i hate that, its really getting on my nerves, its ok if it was just me but they are dragging her name in, im just trying to suppress my anger with them because i dont want to get into trouble but really i hope they stop, they are just too immature and insensitive about the way i feel darn i wish i could throw a punch at them so that they can realize that what they're doing was wrong, just a little more and maybe ill be getting into a fight with them and hopefully ill be expelled into school and then ill ruin my life oh crap. i just pray the lord that he will give me strength and patience with them. ill be having a lunch together with her next week so im really excited hehe :) i dont know if this is wrong or not, ill just maybe go with the flow and let god watch over me.

The start of my last year in college

hi :) its been a while, actually im very busy preparing for the last level of my exam. Actually last night when i was reviewing for my exam, i received a txt message from her, and that message made my tears fall in an instant thou i managed to wipe it away, she told that shes misses me and she will still cheer me up and that she understands why i suddenly vanished in her world...Ive been empty for a while, i can say that i miss the feeling of being attached to her, it's been two months already and still sometimes i miss her and then ill think of her, i miss the feeling of smiling while reading my books but you know what? sometimes we must do something even if its hard on our part. i mean as of now this is the best way to let myself move on even though she still sent me message that she really misses me and that im still her angel, ive gotta keep distance on her, she's ok now and i dont wanna ruin that part. im really sleepy so i gotta keep going.