february....

February, the month of love, the month ive always been waiting for but sadly, i have no one to call my own, i have no one whom ill spend my savings and somehow to whom ill execute my romantic ideas.. the helicopter ride, dinner in a private yacht, all those were gone.. im really sad, ive really prepared for this month, if only she is single until now, at least she have someone that will hopefully love her better than me... all i can do is to pray for her, that she'll have a better lovelife, that the guy will never hurt her though that is not quite possible, her smile her laughs, the times when i can call her anytime i want, those were the times i missed the most....i love you very much and though i am just a friend of yours, its ok... ill be just here... i will always be here...

I will always be here

Finally after more than one month, which i was supposed to give last christmas, ive finally given her my christmas gift haha :D crap when i saw her she's still the most beautiful girl ive met haha she's still has the sweetest voice ive heard, walking alongside with her is like spending a glimpse of heaven, the only one i see at the corridor was her, all i wanna do is just spend my time talking to her although that is quite a little bit not possible haha. anyways, ive had a plan of surprising her and as planned she was surprised haha she even said im corny crap haha XD but the most delighting part was when she said thank you with a smile and a bunch of laughter haha :D she even hit me with my gift haha damn haha even though it was short still, she is the reason why ive had the biggest smile this day. i really love her and i will not be tired to make her happy even in my small ways. i will not let her be sad, ill be his armor when she's piercing in pain. ill be glad to defend her, ill be glad..

Too much happiness?...

First day of school in the year 2011, well im excited about this day because ill be able to see her and give my pasalubong to her. I arrived at the school just in time for her to go upstairs because it was already the start of her class so i just flashed a smile. I cant concentrate during our class because i was looking the time, because i was supposed to meet her at 4pm because she told me that she'll go home early, suddenly she went to see me at the classroom and of course i was so damn smiling haha the class even noticed me not helping to smile haha so after a while i just pulled out my strength and went out with my pasalubong, i met with her at the chapel, she was standing there while there's some sort of meeting in their organization, i just gave her my pasalubong and of course saying a little but the one that made me even happier was when she drew a little box of her bag and giving it to me haha, i just went off but that short time of seeing her smiling is for me, very worth it, throughout the afternoon im so damn happy i cant even make my smile go down haha. suddenly while i was in my class she texted me, and after her heartwarming text i melt haha specially when my seatmated got the box and read the tiny pieces of paper in it, they were even the first to read those messages than me what the hell haha but i was so damn smiling haha.. but just as the happiness engulfing me, she texted me that she's not ok and after a while a realize, the hell she's sad and maybe crying again, damn... when i arrived at home, i read those messages and hell tears are flowing from my eyes. i cant help but to cry because even though her gift is not expensive the hell i care, it is the thought that counts a lot, her messages was the best gift i ever had in my entire life, not material things but simply the simple messages yet i know are from her heart.. i just wish that maybe one day she'll realize my worth, my love for her so that she'll no longer be crying.. that ill be able to take care of her, dont care if she doesnt love me... all i want is to make her happy, to hear her laugh and to see her beautiful smile... she deserve the best... and im willing to give her my best... the best out of me even if its meant to kill me... i love her so deeply... ill never get tired of loving her unconditionally.. for me that is love, although its very hard on my part, all i wanna see is for her to be happy...

My Christmas and New year post

This is the best vacation ive had in my life. It is very relaxing and i can still recall how i feel back then, actually this post is very late but since there is no internet connection in the province and im not in the mood to study ill just type and share my vacation. ill just share the memorable part haha which is when i called her last christmas and new year. Oh yea her wonderful laugh, her sweet and cute voice, her saying that i am sweet, thanking me for what ive done to her, how can i forget that call and besides the last time i called her was way back a month ago, well last christmas of course we talked about anything, from how is her vacation up to her relationship with her bf, it was nice talking to her again, feels like heaven haha lol specially when i sang "you decorated my life" to her by making a call haha then after a while i received a message thanking me and saying its so sweet haha and you know what? during my call last new year my first call ended up a disaster because i was so damn afraid to tell her my lines haha damn and besides she was on her way to the market thats why it is very noisy so i just told her that ill call her again later, and happily the second time of my call, i just pull out all my strength and luckily im able to deliver my speech, i wrote the things that i will say to her haha so that i will not have idle time, it was all my thanks to her for making my year so very memorable, of course i was so damn happy that i was able to tell her things although the disappointing part is that while i was telling her my new year speech, her phone suddenly went out of battery what the hell, it was just almost 10mins but i was not yet a fourth in my piece, she told me to wait but sadly i didnt have another chance to continue my dramatic at the same time corny and joketime lines haha that made her burst into laughter haha.. but at least i have a chance to talk to her and for me its ok than none. well thats ok to end my most memorable and most remarkable year.. Goodbye 2010, thank you for all... Hello 2011, i hope ill be able to make more memories...... specially with her....

coldness from my heart

it is already saturday. only one week left then i will be able to sleep soundly again with no worries, no pressure just mere enjoyment and the thing i want most is relaxation. Ive been sleeping almost 4hrs this week. My christmas gift for her is really consuming every bit of my effort. It is really hard, i never imagine this gift to be really hard. In addition to that i have responsibilities to my organization which adds to my worries and problems. I dont know how i can finish this gift. All I cling is my hope to make her happy. All i do is pray that everything will be alright and that i might not collapse and fall due to over fatigue. This is the hardest point of my second semester, with all this trials piling up. There are really times when i want to give up and just be dead for a while. My negative side is much stronger considering im very tired. But at some point i dont wanna give up because i might not have a chance to see her eyes smile. I might not have a chance for a minute of conversation, for a minute of sitting next to her. So im doing the best that i can, the best of my effort, though i have doubts and i have fears in my heart that will explode in a moment. I still do not lose hope, besides this is all ive got, if it will be gone, what will happen to me? i justs want to write something in order to lessen what i feel...

To contiue my post, i have given up my christmas gift for her because i really cant finish my gift. I was really down, it was so sad to think of that my effort will just go to waste. But im sorry but i have to give up for now. So after deciding what to do, days passed by and it was almost jpia day, a day before i receive my gift from my tax professor and i was really happy because i really love to have it and second out of nowhere she texted me that she will give me her gift when she came back from the province so i was so damn happy but to my disappointment my cp was damage and all my precious messages frome her was gone in an instant. damn i really saved those messages, they were my precious treasures that i kept for almost i year. I cried instantly when i got home because it has been a part of me for one year, i always read those messages when im down, when im happy, before i sleep after i wake up in the morning, it has been apart of me. Those messages will not happen again, those memories i can no longer revisit, those sweet messages of her. this post will be unending if i write my heart out because im really sad.

Anyways it was all over so i just have to look forward seeing a brighter day...

This is my December

I have no class today so i manage to write something about what has happened to me over the past days. Well this week was full of activities so i was out at class. There's a lot of singing, dancing and other extra curricular activities that happened. Last night our college celebrated our foundation day, and overall it was fun. Me and my classmates manage to join the activities and it was my first time to join that boodle fight because last year i just hid in the shadows haha and i cant take the food. Anyways its a bit ok this year and besides we are only few eating those mountain of mixed foods. I also participated in the tug of war and after the game was finished my hands ache haha but it paved of because our team was the champion. I was also excited last night because i might got a chance to see my love and eventually it happened so i was happy seeing her again and checking out if she was really ok because she was sick this past few days and even admitted to the hospital. Though it was only  a matter of minutes, still for me that's fine as long as i saw her smile, heard her voice, for me it is ok. Still she is the best girl i ever met oh yea.

The last event was the beauty pageant and the fashionista, i was amazed by the costumes of the contestants, it was really good but it was much more amazing how they portrayed and walked in the aisle while people were rooting for them. For my classmates and friends, they were really fabulous haha, they have experiences a wonderful event in their college life. Kudos to them! I know they wont forget last night because that night is really a moment worth remembering in their entire life and as for us the viewers, we wont also forget how they acted while they ware walking haha and the laughs we shared. After the day ended we ate first before going home because we were already starving and talk about silly things haha.

Last day was a long day, and after i went to bed, I realized it was her 2nd monthsary, after that i felt happy for her after all she deserves to be happy, she deserves the best. My heart heart didnt feel the pain like before but one thing for sure, i miss her. As i remember how she walk last college day in the stage, as she walked with all her beauty i miss her, i really miss her. December was the month when she gave our "tawagan", it was the month when i started to feel something for her, it was the month were this all started. I might not be able to pursue my plan to give her a christmas gift, as for now i dont know if i have to but my heart wishes to. As far as i know, 4months... After 4months, i will surely hope I will be able to be with her again. Ill just wait.

SLEEP:this is what I want

These past few weeks, ive been going to school everyday because of some organization work to do. This sem is bombarded with activities until the last day of class this year, it is really exhausting, this is the part of my life when im trying to balance academics and responsibilities in the organization but somehow i can manage to work it out considering that my position is not that physically and emotionally demanding that's why i do not regret that i became a part of the organization. Im trying to be busy in order to let my emotional side relax haha. I miss texting her but i cant talk the topics i want to share to her. When she asks me whats wrong all i can say is nothing. Of course i dont want her to know that im in pain because of her. At least when im busy somehow i can lessen my thinking time about her. Im trying to focus more on studies and on my responsibilities. We had a test in a major exam this day, and somehow it is really not difficult but im careless in some numbers what the hell haha but somehow it's ok because I know for myself that I learned more than the others. It is really not that hard to accept if you just do your best, it may hurt a little but it is easy to get up back again. Scores are just mere scores that will be reflected in the class card at the end of the sem. What more important to me is the lessons ive learned, the lessons i traded in my sleep just to learn it, the number of days ive sacrificed my health my very precious time in sleeping in order to help myself to fulfill my dreams. At the end of the day all I want is to feel that it's ok, i did my best and i feel fulfilled. Next week will be a very busy week again but im sure that i can survive it with the help of the Lord. Just pray when you're down and you'll manage to take on a day. I can say that i can sleep soundly after this day and somehow put a smile in my face so Lord guide my love and hope she is well now because she's sick and that she'll be safe when she goes home.