Life as of now

Ilang buwan na rin ang nakalipas. Ang dami ng nangyari. Honestly, sa mga oras na ito, naiisip ko kung nagrereview ba siya or nakatulog na. Malapit na kasi siyang magtake ng nursing board exam sa u.s. i hope she pass that exam she has waited long and exerted so much effort just to ensure she'll pass it. that's her dream after all. After all the dramas, heartaches and troubles we had during a couple of months we have decided to just be friends.. I still love her thou im just pretending im not. It is better this way i know its hard to pretend i dont love her anymore, its hard to pretend that i dont know she's inlove with other guy. Ye its hard but i just have to endure it. As long as she is happy with him its fine with me. What matters to me is her happiness not mine thou i still have a lot if regrets for all the things i have done. I will just be friend with her, supporting her all the way, never to leave her again, up until i can no longer take it. It hurts that once upon a time i had the chance, once upon a time i felt that she has feelings for me and then now it's all gone. well i deserve this after all..

I miss you very much ;(

Halos 3weeks na kitanf di nakakausap. Wala na kong balita sa kanya. Sana mapatawad niya ko sa biglaan kong di pagpaparamdam gusto ko lang hanapin ung sarili ko kasi naguguluhan nako and somehow nahihirapan. Miss na miss ko na siya, hindi ko alan kung pano magsosorry sa kanya nor kung pano ko siya imemessage. Hindi ko alam kung dadagdag pako sa stress niya kaya di ki rin alam kung dapat ko siya kausapin pero sana maging ok na ulet kami, na lagi kaming naguusap at lagi ko siyang nababantayan kahit nandito ako sa malayo. Kahit sobrang busy sa work di ko maiwasanf maguilty sa ginawa ko hayst. Sana bumalik na siya ;( kulang nakulabg ang buhay ko pag hindi ko siya nararamdaman laging malungkot walabg saya mas gusto ko pang nandyan siya:(

Random thoughts

Im here at our office. Currently listening to old songs while thinking of her. Its been a week already since i started to breathe for a while. I wonder what she's doing right now.. I miss seeing her on skype, her laughs, her voice.. I hope she's ok right now and doing fine there. It has been a rough days for me but every time i go to bed, she's still the last thought that always crosses my mind. She's still my best dream after all. I hope i could still see her again.

Mamimiss kita ng sobra kapag wala ka na..

Nalalapit na ang pag-alis niya, luha sa aking mata'y di ko na mapipigilan pa, sa kaunting panahon na siya'y aking nakasama, labis na ligaya ang dinulot niya sa buhay kong walang sigla... eto ba epekto ng mesakit na malungkot napaparyhme? haha lol.... napuyat na nga ko kakaiyak kagabi heto na naman po tayo haha tsss ang babaw ng luha ko maiisip ko palang na aalis na siya at may posibilidad na hindi ko na siya makita.. kung sana mas maaga ko siyang nakilala... haixt.. kahit anong gawin ko hindi ko maikakaila sa sarili kong ngayon lang ako nahirapan ng ganito, alam kong simulat simula pa darating ang araw ng aalis siya at hindi na siya babalik, hindi ko lang lubos na inakalang magiging sobrang hirap pala nito para sa akin.. siya ung pinakamagandang nangyari sa buhay ko at kahit san man ako makarating, kahit ilang taon mang lumipas, mananatili siyang may magandang parte sa puso ko, hindi ko lang alam kung papaano ako magpapatuloy... mamimiss ko talaga siya ng sobra sobra, ung mga kwentuhan namin, ung mga times na kahit ang tagal at least nakikita ko but this time this is different. hindi na lang buwan ang hihintayin ko, kundi taon para makita siya o mas masaklap baka wala na talagang chance na makita ko siya ulet.. mamimiss ko talaga siya ;( pusang gala naman naiiyak na naman ako haha

Para sa iyo...

Kasalukuyan kong kinakain itong cake na dinesign ko para sa iyo hehe.. Kung nababasa mo ito Goretti, i guess nagkaroon na ako ng lakas ng loob magsabi sa iyo.. Honestly mas gusto ko sanang personal ko itong sabihin, na kaharap kita, na nakikita kita, naririnig ko boses mo at nakikita ko ang exrpression ng iyong muka, at para malaman mong seryoso ako sa mga sinasabi ko at hindi ako nagbibiro.. kasi gusto kong malaman mo ang tunay na nararamdaman ko para sa iyo, eh kaso siguro ganun nga talaga ang buhay, mukang hindi na talaga kita makikita.. .. for the past 8 months, simula nung nakita ko ung pic mo, sinabi ko sa sarili kong gusto ko laging masaya itong babaeng ito, naisip ko papaano kaya? milya milya ang layo niya sa akin, but then again kung sobrang importante sa iyo ang isang tao, hindi ka mauubusan ng paraan para maramdaman niyang importante siya, at sa tingin ko naiparamdam ko naman sa iyo, for the past 8 months, naging isang malaking kang bahagi ng aking dasal lagi kong dinarasal kay Lord "Lord sana po ingatan niyo po si Goretti, alagaan niyo po siya para sa akin, sana lagi siyang masigla, sana lagi siyang masaya, at kung malulungkot po siya, sana makaya niyang lagpasan ang mga problema at sana may mga taong darating para patawanin siya, sana po ilayo niyo siya sa mga taong sasaktan lang siya, kasi ako Lord hirap na hirap akong mag-isip ng gimik para lang mapangiti ko siya kahit ang layo ko, sana Lord mabigyan ulit ako ng chance makita ko siya at makasama, kahit saglit lang napaka laking halaga na po nun sakin, mabait po siya Lord, and she deserves the best in life kaya wag niyo po siyang pababayaan. Amen"

Noong time na nasa airport ka, and i had to say goodbye, dun ko narealize na ayaw kitang dumaan lang basta sa buhay ko, gusto ko magstay ka, kasi simula nung nakilala kita, naging masaya ulit ako, ung simpleng nakakausap kita, simpleng pagtyaga mo makinig sa mga walang kakwenta kwentang jokes at banat ko, simpleng usap natin gabi gabi, sabi ko sa sarili ko, gagawin ko lahat magstay ka lang sa buhay ko at hindi ako papayag na hindi kita makita, then i decided na magsummer job, i decided na sa birthday mo pupuntahan kita at isusurprise kasi that might be the last time na makikita ulet kita dito sa pilipinas.. sabi ko hanggat nandito ka, gagawin ko ang best ko hanggat kaya ko pang mageffort para sa iyo.. dahil noong sinabi mong aalis ka na at hindi ka na babalik, honestly naiyak ako dun, kasi sabi ko bakit ganun? ang layo mo na nga, lalo ka pang lalayo, pero ganun talaga ang buhay.. ginawa ko lahat ng pagtitipid sa work para lang makaipon, sandamukal na overtime, nakakapagod sobra, but then kapag naiisip ko nun na makikita ulet kita, sabi ko worth it lahat ng pagod ko.. and then one day, nagsabi ka sa akin, may nagkakagusto na sa iyo, na sabi mo may pag-asa siya, na sabi mo kung mas malapit siya, mas masaya ka sana.. nung kachat kita nun umiiyak nako nun ang sakit pala, sabi ko hindi pa naman siguro huli ang lahat, nandito ka pa naman sa pilipinas pwede pa akong magsabi sa iyo, sabi ko papalipasin ko lang ang board exam mo at aamin na ako kasi ayokong bigyan pa kita ng dagdag iisipin... sabi ko sana at least malaman mo lang nararamdaman ko bago ka man lang umalis.. 

And now the time has come, after mo malaman to, sana hindi ka magbago, sana maalala mo pa rin ako pag umalis ka na, na may isang Ronel Battad na ginawa lahat ng best niya makita at mapasaya ka lang kasi Mahal na Mahal ka niya, kasi Mahal na Mahal kita Goretti kaya nagawa ko lahat ng iyon, alam kong hindi ka pa pwede magboyfriend at diniscourage mo ako nun kasi sabi mo baka mabusted lang ako, well wala na akong pakialam dun, magustuhan mo man ako o hindi, ang importante sa akin napasaya kita kahit papaano, kapag dumating iyong time na ready ka na at pwede ka ng ligawan, babalik ako magpaparamdam ulit ako, maghihintay akong dumating iyong time na iyon kasi habang buhay ka ng may malaking puwang sa puso ko, at kung wala talaga akong chance para sa iyo, masakit man pero tatanggapin ko, kung hanggang kaibigan lang talaga ako wala akong magagawa dun, pero sana sa tuwing maiisip mo ako, sana mas maalala mo iyong mga times na napangiti kita.. Hanggang dito nalang, Mahal na mahal kita, sobra sobra... Naging masaya ulit ako ng dahil sa iyo, i never regret all the things i did, nahirapan man ako, seeing you smile makes it all worth it.. 

 Hindi ako super gwapo, hindi ako magaling sumayaw o kumanta, hindi ako marunong magluto ung unang beses kong nageffort magluto hindi ko pa naibigay sa iyo, hindi ako magaling magpatawa minsan kadalasan sablay pa, hindi rin siguro maganda ang kamay ko, hindi ako magaling maglagay ng wax sa buhok, hindi ako mapormang lalake, hindi ako ang ideal/best guy sa iyo... wala akong maipagmamalaki sa iyo, pero kung naghahanap ka ng guy, na mageefort at walang sawang magpaparamdam sa iyo kung gano ka kaganda, andito lang ako, hindi ako aalis sa tabi mo, kahit malayo ako, kahit hindi kita nakikita, lagi lang akong nandito.. If ever na makakatagpo ka ng guy na mamahalin mo, choose the best guy, ung 100x na better sakin, na ung mas magaling magsurprise sakin, at mas mapaparamdam sa iyo kung gano ka niya kamahal, I wish you all the best in life Goretti, You deserve the best, after all gaya ng naikwento ko sa iyo dati, im just a servant, not a prince charming, but for me you're my princess, you're my everything... Happy happy Birthday sa iyo, wala kong ibang hinangad sa pang araw araw kundi maging masaya at ok ka.. Mahal kita, sobrang mahal kita.. Ang importante sa akin, mapasaya lang kita.. salamat sa lahat and sorry sa mga nagawa kong mali sa iyo.. Ngayong alam mo na, i hope walang magbago.. kasi ako hindi ako magbabago, maghihintay ako hanggang sa time na ready ka na at payagan ka na ng parents mong maligawan, hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal but i will always stay.. 

my random thoughts

it has been a while since i last posted here in my blog. in just a few weeks ill soon be leaving my university. actually tinatamad ako mag ingles haha :)) naaalala ko pa rin ung time na umalis siya haha nak ng kamote, kelan kaya siya babalik? makikita ko pa kaya siya? galit pa kaya lola niya sa akin? i really dont know the answers to my questions, somehow i am still afraid, very afraid... specially when im thinking that she will migrate to california for good on october, yap the month of my board exam..i dont intend to be at that situation of just waiving my hand as i slowly say goodbye to her at the airport.. i dont want to experience that pain when i slowly walked away from her and i just cant do anything but to watch her from a distance.. that was a very painful experience saying goodbye from a distance.. everytime i look at our pic in my wallet i always remember her laughters her beautiful face, her nice smile, it was just a 3hr of being with her talking random stuffs but i cherished those short time being with her because hindi ko naman lagi siyang kasama and i fear we wont be together for a long time again since aalis na siya for good.. gusto ko pa sanang makipagkwentuhan sa kanya ng mas matagal, i want to go out with her...  i want her to be my queen...

my super merry christmas :)

december is the most busiest, most tedious and most tiresome month in my calendar haha. so much activities, so much love things to do and in addition to that i still have to study somehow. let me start my story by telling you how my very special christmas gift was made. I started doing my gift during the last week of november and i finished it last December 13 almost 3weeks of sleeping 3-4hrs haha. i spend almost a wooping 1500 pesos just for the materials on that and i cut many papers just to finish it. i really dont know how i finished it considering i had so much work to do, maybe it was just a mere sacrifice, yap i had sacrifice some events in our org, my studies, my sleep and my time because that gift was really very important to me. i want her to remember me and i want to make her happy and feel that even thou im very far from her i can still make her happy, i can still do so much effort just for her because i like her, because i care so much for her, i dont know if shell love me or not, i will just hope and pray someday she will but for now i just want to make her feel special. December 13 was also the day when i sent my gift to lbc for delivery, yap it was a very tiring day because we had an activity at that time and i was pissed off because im very tired of walking and walking and walking but when i started to put my gift on the box and writing her name with address on it, my day became so at peace, when i was in lbc, i dont know what to do haha because that was the first time i will deliver something, but luckily it was a simple process. i was surprised when the lady told me to opened the box, when i opened it she viewed all my works haha i was shy at that moment specially seeing my work being viewed by others haha but at last i received my receipt marking the end of my christmas project, i just went to the computer shop texted her that i already delivered my gift for her. and that was the end of my long 3 weeks of hardwork and a lot of sacrifice. i woke up the next day with a lot of goodvibes, i texted her that she try to drop by at the lbc if my gift was already there. afterwards late at noon, she texted me saying she had already received the box and it was heavy haha i really literally jumped into my seat because i was at the computer playing dota at my house then, i called her dont know what to do then run back and forth from the window to the back place to the window haha. she told me why was it very heavy i said secret dont open the box yet, i joke that there's a rabbit inside haha then finally i allowed her to open the box, i was listening carefully how he unwrap it afterwards she said there's so many plastic and box haha then when she finally saw my gift she said aw, and she started crying and said so sweet of me and that i was nakakainis haha. i apologize because there were no drawing and stuff but she was crying i can hear her, she even said droplets of tears are falling to my gift she said thank you very much then she read my message she was so happy at that time i can feel it, she really appreciated my gift, we talked i explained, i told her she's my crush and she was speechless, i can no longer recall every words she said but i can recall the feeling of so much happiness inside of me because she really liked my gift, , i was so happy, all my efforts were not wasted, she even told me her mama told that i am such a sweet guy. ill never forget that day, hearing her laugh, hearing her how surprised she was and hearing her cry, not because of sadness but because of happiness. and i thank the lord he gave me strength to finished that haha. until now we are good friends, calling her often texting her, she is such a nice lady and now im planning to pursue her even more, i have started doing my surprises next year because i want to give efforts to her now that she is still in the philippines, ill make her the most special lady in my life, ill make her feel that she's the pretties in town :) i really love her and ill do anything to make her stay. merry christmas to her, and thak you lord for having her as very wonderful gift to me as my light as my friend, and as my hope :)

My daily happiness

Everytime i woke up early in the morning, she always occupies my mind and she is the one whom i last think of. Currently ive finished my christmas gift to her, hope she'll like it. it took me almost 3weeks of sleeping 4or5am but at last it was finished. I want her to feel that although im very far, i can still manage to make her feel that she;s the most beautiful girl to me, and that i really love her so much. i hope she'll stay in my life just like what she texted me. i hope she appreciates me for who i am. i may not be the most handsome best guy out there but if she is looking for a man that will love her and gift all what he got, she can may me a choice. im not assuming she likes me, remember that is the basic rule in accounting "do not assume otherwise stated" all i can do is someday i hope i can have a chance to prove my worth and love to her, that even though im not the best looking man out there, i can give her 101% of my effort, i dont know what i'll do if she will leave in my life again. i dont like to be hurt again that's why im being cautious but stll when i know she's lonely and in the brink of crying i cant help but to come and be a superman thou all i can do is call her and give her soothing words still for me that is not enough and that is the least thing i can do for her, she is a very nice lady, i cant help but to smile whenever i hear her laugh and when she starts to deliver pick up lines for me. she's really kind for her to call me sometimes and make me feel that i can be an important person also. hope she'll be fine and i hope i can give her additional smiles fore her christmas. i wish her to be well and happy and i thank the lord for making me smile again because of her :)

Goretti, the girl who brought back colors to my life :)

its been a while since i last wrote something in my blog. many events have happened but overall it was happy. It was all because of a girl named Goretti. She's a beautiful girl, kind, talented and has a nice cute voice and a nice curly hair :) Ever since sembreak my days have been colorful, she gave meaning to my life again. She laughs at my corny jokes and pick up lines, she always reply to my text and she gave me a chance to call her whenever i have a load hehe. Actually i met her last November 18,2011... yap the day when i felt what real happiness was like again. she was so beautiful, i was captivated and mesmerized, she was even more beautiful in personal than when im looking at her pictures.

Sitting beside you doing nothing means perfectly everything to me :)

I brought her and her family some foods particularly a box of pizza and krispy kream donut, yap it was the first time i tasted and bought that kind of donut haha. it was expensive but the outcome was so great. Actually i have encountered difficulty in getting there haha i thought i was lost but thanks to the persons whom i asked along the way i managed to went to their place safely hehe. I saw her waiting outside the building and when i was about to get near, her beauty is what made me smile big time. We ate my food together with her sister and cousin, we shared laughters, i got some pictures with her, it was so great! i was so happy at that time, i also gave her my remembrance, yap a tumbler which  i waited for hours haha but that waiting was worth it because i made her happy, i made her smile and she appreciated it very much :) ever since that day we have been texting more, ive started to call her and everytime she answers, everytime she laughs and we talk for hours, every day has been a happy day for me, i know she cant be courted right now, i know that she's miles away, but ill wait for the right time, waiting for her is i think very worth it. I dont want to let someone dear to me slip away again so im putting the best of my efforts just to make her feel that i care even though im miles away. currently im making my christmas gift for her and i hope she'll be glad. at this moment she maybe sleeping, she's sad, that's why im trying my best to let her ease the sadness somehow with my text, that's the best thing i can do for now. and i hope when she wakes up in morning her sadness that she feels may be much better. i dont want her to be sad. ill do my best to not make her sad. she's a good lady and she gladly deserve to be happy. all i want is for her to be happy :)

first semester wrap up

okay lets first go backwards for the moments of the first sem and ill be starting with our quiz bee that was held at mapua makati last september, and yap i was disappointed again what the hell because majority of my answer were wrong some were will guesses and so we only placed 6th in that contest. After that the jpia general assembly took place, it was very tiresome but fun specially when we saw our fellow members performed and the most important part was that the officers danced haha, that was my first dance since a decade perhaps, it was very fun and it was a very good last general assembly, of course there's the finals which made my life miserable lol haha but it was a very big blessing from the lord that my lowest grade was 2.00 which i was very proud off and what's more important is that i am a DEAN'S LISTER yes im very proud for that i really worked hard for that and i thank the lord for that hehe. and up to now im having my most happiest sembreak ever!! it was because of my new friend but not so new because she has been my classmate way back ago but i never imagined how funny and how happy to be able to txt and chat with her although she was miles apart it really feels good to be able to see her name in my inbox, i feel very good whenever she replies to my txt, i dont know what's with that girl but she's really adorable maybe it was because of her display pic, she's really beautiful in there and of course her smile played a big factor in her pic, then after that can't really erase my smile haha its like her smile is contagious and its that it really brings a lot of good vibes to me, and i hope we could be better friends/txtmate i hope she'll have a vacation here so that maybe we could hang out and ill treat her that's for sure also im really surprised when she called me, oh men that was the first time a girl called me haha that was a real big surprise and somehow a memorable one, i really didnt expected that and her voice it was really good :) it gives more reason to admire her, she's a talented girl and i know it will be fun to be with her. also i have a good basketball this sembreak which i really really missed, i scored 5pts today, 1 steal, 2 blocks!! i told the lord before i leave, "if ill be able to score 5pts, will there be a chance that she might like me?", it rained, there's lightning, there's thunder it even flooded in the basketball court but thank god i scored 5pts so does that mean that i have a chance :) im really really happy with my life right now haha also i prepared a gift to my two very very good friend and ill give that in our enrollment hope they will like it hehe. that's all folks.. i thank the lord for this memorable sem, and i prayed that of course my last sem in college will be very very great.

4th Place

Wish i had one...means more a lot than all the medals and trophies in the world..

i woke up at 4am this morning, actually i didnt manage to have a good sleep because i woke up hour by hour maybe because im really nervous at the same time pressured after i was informed that one of my classmeyts got a perfect score in the quiz bee in tax and hailed as the champion omg, she's really amazing, im really nervous because im thinking that i cant be like her or something like that, i decided to browse my books but eventually i failed haha i just listen to my mp3 to relax a bit and decided to start my day. when i saw my fellow classmeyts who were also participants of course i somehow felt that im not ready but doubts began to feel my thoughts and eventually the contest proper started and the first to seat in and fill the aura of tremendous pressure landed on the fifth place, of course that's not bad, i know she did her best, well after her was my idol of course, the one and only queen of practical accounting 1 in our school, and she emerge victorious being the champion again in the same board subject, i said to myself, they were really amazing, i have 2 classmates who were champion in their respective forte subjects, i said to myself i also want to be a champion so that ill have something to be proud of, ill be ashamed if i didnt have any medal to bring back home, im really nervous and pressured at that time, when they said farewell to me and wishing me goodluck, i felt sad, im alone so i treated myself to lunch and after that prayed at the nearby church, i prayed the lord that he might want to give me this contest, and im practically begging him because ive always longed to be a winner someday, it was my dream. the other contestant arrived and we talk for a while both of us wants to have a good news to our fellow classmates, i took a quick nap for a while and then the time came for me to show my guts and my knowledge, and the hell the contest started and for the first easy question i got a wrong answer, that made my confidence level surge below, i was pissed off for myself until the second question came, and damn ive got the wrong answer, then problem questions followed,  i somehow regained my confidence level a bit because i answered correctly questions 3 to 7 but problems 8-10 was a very disappointing problems to me because they were easy problem questions and the result, ye i landed to be the second lowest scorer then the long problem of the average round followed, i lost hope at the questions because its 4 questions interconnected, i really guessed due to my lack of knowledge/forgot how to do it and the time was really short luckily my wild guess in question number 3 was a right one but practically that long problem was a disaster question.. i paused for a while and said to the lord please give me knowledge and please guide me to the correct answer and that i dont want to give up, and somehow i survive that round because after that all my average questions were correct. i spent the ten minute break pondering why the hell did i miss those easy questions and trying to fight and continue the battle.. the difficult round was a blast, i manage to got only 1 wrong answer until the turning point question number 10... if i got it ill be 3rd but if not ill be a loser again.. after i raised my answer and heard the correct answer.. i said thereafter... im a loser again... im really sad and disaappointed.. if i got the correct answers in the easy round i still had the chance to be the champion but im such a big loser nagkalat ako sa round na iyon.. im really pissed off that's why i left the room... my other companion garnered the 4th place also.. he is telling me it's ok, i just nod but deep inside me, im really not ok... im really close to my goal of having a medal before i graduated.. i texted someone dear to me and said its ok im still the winner for her but i just cant relieved the fact that i lost again... i really cried when i came home because i didnt brought a medal to my family specially for her, i really wanted her to be proud of me, i have nothing to own besides my dream and yet i was close to this dream but i failed again..i cried a lot that night... after the tears subside, i texted her and told her to wait for me, ill be back to get a medal for her, and when that time comes ill treat her out.. she replied that she'll wait she'll look forward to that time so i wipe my tears and said to myself I'LL DO MY VERY BEST TO BE THE CHAMPION on the NCR CUP AUDITING PROBLEM for my love one, for my friends and for my family with the guidance and blessings from the Lord. Ill promise that ill study super duper hard to bring home a single piece of medal ive been dreaming for since im no longer a laude. i want them ti be proud of me and to be able to prove to them that i can win also.

My thoughts

August 27, yes it's her birthday today, last year i can say that im one of those persons who made her very happy since ive given her a very good surprise :) ive currently finished my gift to her, its only a simple one, a novel with a bookmark and some random stuff and of course a card which is my classic moves haha. Ive put them in my made box and somehow i managed to decorate it neatly but up until now i havent given her my gift yet because she was at the province, i also havent greeted her. I know she's happy right now in her life. The title of the novel that i gave was "when God writes your love story". I chose that novel because i know God is making her love story great, maybe God is just giving her failures or heart problems in order to lead her to the right man that suits her well. I know God is in control of her life, she have found a good man this time and i'm happy with that. Im happy for her right now and i hope she'll be happy with my simple gift haha. Lately im finding myself smiling for a friend, yes indeed she is important for me as a friend, and ill do my best to help her with anything and that i want her to fulfill her dreams also, she is one of my most important girl friends and im happy that she's making me smile just for a small talk or a simple text. i have another contest next week and i hope that i'll be able to win this time. Everything is well as of now, it's just difficult because there are many things to do so im almost dead tired everyday but because of my friends, because of her and because of my faith in the Lord i manage to get on with it.

National Accounting Showdown

last week i called her in the evening it was still raining hard back then, but i stood there under the rain even thou i have an umbrella, it was still raining hard, im hungry and tired but because i want to hear her voice again, i endured it, after a while we were both laughing again haha, i said i missed her, she said she missed me, she missed how i make her laugh, it was a real happiness amidst the raging wind and rain. After all these months of being empty i felt alive again that night. it was a simple conversation yet a special one for me, i know she's ok with her new bf, she even said that he was very kind like me, somehow its an assurance and besides she's very ok right now so i have nothing against that guy as long as he is making her smile a lot. after almost 1 hr of talk i ended the conversation due to lack of load haha and my hunger was getting intense but rest assured i slept that night with a big smile on my face :)

the next day we attended a seminar about cat/cpa, of course im happy that people recognize me because i already became a cat thou it was still unofficial, but the most remarkable that happened that day was when i was told to represent the school in the national accounting showdown, and after i heard that, i was overwhelmed with fear and pressure but i accepted it, the feelings that i felt afterward was very intense, fear and pressure was overwhelming because it was my first time to be in a contest and besides it was a national contest whew and my classmate just won the championship in a contest here in ncr so i was oozing with pressure all over my body. I have only 1 week to prepare the seven board subjects holy crap haha insane is the right term to use because of that :)) i reviewed very hard, that week was the most tiring week as of my fourth yr in college, i was literally exerting my 101%effort i was really really tired. I even visited a far away church which i cant remember where is that place, i even sacrifice basket of eggs in the altar and of course i prayed that i will win the contest. when saturday came, i spent my day sleeping yes sleeping very early because i want to recover my energy. sunday, the day ive been waiting for, we arrived early and waited for almost 2 hrs, and of course im really bored but the aura there was frightening at the same time exciting because all persons in there were outstanding cpa's in their own fields and of course the contestants were all of high caliber. the contest proper took place and the first question was raised, of course im super nervous but i just prayed to the lord that he guide me so i just did my best to answer the questions, every correct answer was a success for me especially the guess ones haha. i really did my best, and i emerged as top13 among the 36participants. my first contest was great and it was all thanks to the lord. i didnt got the first place but i got the experience that i will treasure for the rest of my life :) thank you lord.

My drifting mind

Im currently having a break from my 4hr study on auditing theory, 3 quizzes have passed and up until this moment im praying that i somehow got an above average score thou i dont expect it. Actually im thinking of her right now, i sometimes see her in the campus, saying hi or hello, smiling for seconds and after she was gone, gone where my smile. ive trying to bring back my not texting days because i think that will make me more ok. actually it's a miracle if she will text me first because since then she doesnt text me and asking me hello how are you. i miss the past and i fear the future.. i fear that i might not make my last year in college memorable, yes im thankful to the lord that i passed my exam and unofficially im now a Certified Accounting Technician and a Registered Cost Accountant, somehow im slowly achieving my goals, i even celebrated with my friends, but the real person who'll make me happy is not with me, i tried to arranged a lunch with her but rejected many times and somehow im tired trying to think of ways just to be with her, up until now we havent had a picture together, i picture that will not change even thou the person in it does, she's my dearest love but i havent had any picture of her, oh crap i must be the worthless lover ever haha i cant even have a picture thou we knew each other for 3 yrs now, ill be the most pitiful guy if up until graduation i dont have a picture with her, i will surely be sad, really really sad, and days are rapidly passing by, two months from now it will gonna be her birthday and im in a confusion on what will i do haha i know ill be happy if i give her a gift but on the other hand ill be sad because i cant pretend that she's just my friend. i know she'll be happy on her day because there will be a lot of gifts coming from her friends and i know they have a bunch of ways to make her day memorable and i know she'll be happy even without my gift. i dont want to make myself a burden from her, she fine now, the picture is already good so i must not meddle with her anymore because i'll just distort it. im empty right now actually, my crush is not adding me to her friends in fb and also she didnt even bother to reply to my text when i was still using my sun sim, that was a great loss haha i thought she was the one because she gave me her number, she was beautiful, was kind but maybe she just dont like me haha. im rejected indirectly again haha. well what's new about it? im been like this since i was on elementary. oh crap. i remeber what i said on my last training seminar "Success is nothing if you dont have someone to hold to at the end of the day and you dont have someone to share your sorrows and happiness" im really sad..

I unintenionally hurt her..

last day when i was in the tabi tabi lang haha. someone with a nice and familiar voice called my name thou i cant pinpoint who she was so i looked where the voice was coming and to my surprise it was her, she tapped me but i snob her and after that she was gone in an instant. i just said to myself that it was the right thing to do. i didnt think of it after a while but when someone told me "why did you snob her?" and then i asked myself why did i do such a thing and after that i checked my screened messages because their was something bothering me and i read a message from her, saying that she was hurt because i didnt talk with her. and then i suddenly felt that it was a bad move since i hurt her but of course i didnt mean that. i felt bad after that so i asked my someone and then she said it was really a bad move, so later that night i texted her saying im sorry i know she was already asleep so the next morning i received a smiley from her, thinking that my sorry was accepted i asked her if it was an acknowledgment of my apology and she said that were not enemies so its ok. after that we have a conversation which i missed for a couple of months, she said that i made her cry, she missed me really lot and somehow i felt again some spark of love in what she said, yes indeed i missed her also, once again i smiled while i was reading books and that feeling was what ive left since i started moving on. actually right now, my head is full of thoughts about her, i dont know if ive move on or not, i dont know, somehow im angry about my barkadas who always make fun of her in a really bad way, somehow i feel like they are not just disrespecting her but it also somehow implies that they do not respect me, i hate that, its really getting on my nerves, its ok if it was just me but they are dragging her name in, im just trying to suppress my anger with them because i dont want to get into trouble but really i hope they stop, they are just too immature and insensitive about the way i feel darn i wish i could throw a punch at them so that they can realize that what they're doing was wrong, just a little more and maybe ill be getting into a fight with them and hopefully ill be expelled into school and then ill ruin my life oh crap. i just pray the lord that he will give me strength and patience with them. ill be having a lunch together with her next week so im really excited hehe :) i dont know if this is wrong or not, ill just maybe go with the flow and let god watch over me.

The start of my last year in college

hi :) its been a while, actually im very busy preparing for the last level of my exam. Actually last night when i was reviewing for my exam, i received a txt message from her, and that message made my tears fall in an instant thou i managed to wipe it away, she told that shes misses me and she will still cheer me up and that she understands why i suddenly vanished in her world...Ive been empty for a while, i can say that i miss the feeling of being attached to her, it's been two months already and still sometimes i miss her and then ill think of her, i miss the feeling of smiling while reading my books but you know what? sometimes we must do something even if its hard on our part. i mean as of now this is the best way to let myself move on even though she still sent me message that she really misses me and that im still her angel, ive gotta keep distance on her, she's ok now and i dont wanna ruin that part. im really sleepy so i gotta keep going.

Favorite scenes in my girlfriend is a gumiho

The series was consists of 16 episodes which has a duration of 1 hour each.
Episode 1 screencaps:

Dae Woong is a student in a martial arts school, in this picture he is training for his stunts while his friends was recording his practice. He is practicing because he wants to audition for the lead role of the upcoming movie of Director Ban. After a while he treated his friends to the hair salon of his grandfather for free but they were caught by the old man because the manager of the salon called him. Dae Woong tries to explain that he will pay for the fees and that he must fixed his hair so his grandfather let him do so, but silly Dae Woong left, grab his motorcycle and hurriedly went away from his grandfather.

After some minutes of trying to find a salon to fixed his hair, he was being followed by a police car and after a while, he was already inside a jail not knowing that this was done due to the request of his grandfather.

His grandfather went and of course to free Dae Woong. In this scene, they are going to a remote school in the province, his grandfather told Dae Woong that he will study there until he becomes a good and responsible guy. But luckily Dae Woong slips away haha by riding in the back of a truck while they are on a stop over. He was soon on a small town trying to find some shelter because it was raining hard and luckily an old man from a nearby temple accomodated him.

Now for a short story of the life of a gumiho(nine tailed fox), this is a temple as you can see haha :)) or that is what i called the mini house in this picture haha. Inside this house is a painting of a grandmother with a fox beside her. The painting is the home of the gumiho. Once a while the gumiho went to the human world to mingle with the humans.

The man in the village or to wherever she went, all the man was mesmerized in her beauty. Indeed she was really beautiful, so the women being jealous with the gumiho seeks help to the godmother to do something to the gumiho. After that rumors spread that the gumiho eats human liver.

In this scene the gumiho is patiently waiting for the arrival of her future husbands but because of the rumors that she eats human liver, the humans were really scared of her so thats the reason why his groom didnt show up. The godmother hearing the appeal of the townsfolk cut off the tail of the gumiho and put her trapped on the painting so that she would no longer be able to go to the human world.

Courtesy to : http://www.dramabeans.com for the screen pics and the format of the series review.

I hope my girlfriend is a gumiho :)

Its been a while since I last posted here in my blog haha ill be going to province this morning just to relax a bit in preparation for my last year in college and of course my last year in college will be really tiring considering that im an officer as well as im currently in a moving on process, starting to rebuild myself again haha. its been a while since i decided to move on and the result is me being an empty person haha im just thankful that im studying for my upcoming exams to have something to hope for but nonetheless my heart is empty right now, i have no info. about what's happening to her, i really have to put a distance and to leave her, its hard but i know her life is better now considering she's happy and very ok. after some time, i found myself being addicted for the first time so much in a koreanovela i even disregarded my study time, and that was because of the series "My girlfriend is a gumiho". It was a very very good show, a combination of fantasy, comedy and romance. It was all about a fox girl named "MIHO" who wants to be a human and want to be with "Dae Woong" the man who freed her from 500years of being stucked in painting. This show made me feel how it is to be in love. It made my heart beats faster, it made me cry, yes it made me cry because it was real good specially the scenes when Miho was crying, it was really lonely to see such beautiful girl cried and their love story was really good...the scenes when they are hugging each other, holding hands, Miho shouting "Nan dangsin i neomu neomu neomu neomu neomu neomu joh-a!" meaning I like you so so so so so so much! ♥ was really kilig to the max haha  i miss that feeling when i was still in love with someone, i managed to smile laugh, cry because of this series.
here are the main characters:

GU MI-HO (Shin Mina)

EUN HYE-IN (Park Su-jin)

CHA DAE-WOONG (Lee Seung-gi)

aunt and grandfather

PARK DONG-JOO (Noh Min-woo)

KIM BYUNG-SOO (Kim Ho-chang) and BAN SUN-NYEO (Hyo-min)

My dream again shattered

hi. it really hurts haha.. all ive ever waited was for her to be with me on my birthday. but i did my best to come up with plans just to be with her but sadly all my efforts were wasted.. im really sad, i tried to come up with an alternative which is to visit her in the province just to make her happy but she rejected it.. why does it have to be like this? im just trying to make her happy but rejected me.. my efforts of saving money, not eating anything, begging my friends to give me some coins so that i can have money for my transportation.. im really disappointed, id rather have bad grades that to let this chance of being with her slip by.. all i want was to make her happy but why cant i have a chance to make it. i really dont know, it feels like there's nothing more to hope for my birthday.. all i wish was to be with her.. its very simple yet maybe its never gonna be.. its almost a month that ive not texted her, its really hard but maybe this is the best for both of us. i dont want to be a nuisance to her, i dont want to hurt her, i just want her to be happy, i love her so much that's why im trying to let go, im trying to move on, i know she's happy now, she's a lucky girl, there are many persons who love her and make her life more meaningful. Its hard for me to not know how's she doing but i know i can make it. i love her with all my heart but sadly my story is just about to end again, she's been my life for these past years, my heartache my happiness, i just want her to be happy. this is goodbye for now...

After 1 month

Hello guys, its been a month since I last wrote something here haha. A very tiring month indeed, the most stressful and the most emotional month this 2011. She broke up with her bf, ive overcome the tedious decision making, and this afternoon, ive lost it haha. now im just an ordinary student, im a little bit sad, ive almost burst in tears haha specially when i talk with a past pres. but atleast ive tried not to let my supporters down, but sadly i lost the battle, maybe god has other plans for me, now ill just hang on to what will come, maybe ill just be an officer again when they'll ask me to join them, maybe not. i just dont know, all i want is just to think of how will i make her happy considering that she has gotten into another broken relationship, i know she's hurting right now so that's why i need to make her smile even if it's just a little. only few weeks from now it'll gonna be my bday. that's why im so excited, ill be with her again, ill be able to see her smile, ill might be able to hold her hands again, this is the most exciting event that will happen in my life. and of course i thank god he have givien me another chance, i just hope that it'll push through haha because i dont know what ill feel if fails. hope she's ok right now. ill make her happy that is for sure :)